So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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