I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Randomize
