he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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