I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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