I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
