all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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