i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
