hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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