He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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