Nicole vs. Life
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
