I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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