We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
