I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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