He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
