Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
