Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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