We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
