why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
