I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
