you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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