Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So vagazzling was a success
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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