I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wish I could punch you in the face.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
