Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
