I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
