Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
