if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
