The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
