just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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