last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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