i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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