I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
