easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
