she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
