And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
