don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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