i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
