I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
