butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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