I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
