My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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