I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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