I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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