never play flip cup with pint glasses
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
