Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize