I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
