Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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