I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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