She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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