there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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