I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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