so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Randomize
