Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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