Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
