I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just sent this text using only my big toe
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
