Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
