Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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