I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
