we have pet lesbian snakes
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
