So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
