We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
