i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize