Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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