trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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