Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
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I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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