I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
