he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
