How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
