I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
