The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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