I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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