i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
