Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
