just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You ruined the universe
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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