Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
