bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
