I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
